Wednesday, September 27, 2006 ||
12:00 AM ||
Guilt is the sensation that ravages my mind, as I find myself unabashedly amused at the tears that roll down her cheeks, even as she shrugs and tries to compose herself after a confession that has shreds of a broken heart splattered all over it. I know for sure that I am not indifferent to my best friend’s travails and tribulations, but it’s just that relationships had ceased to interest me long back. Friendships had taken their toll and too many memories huddled together seemed senseless after a while. I tell her that it requires the greatest courage to be alone, for there are many men in this world, who would rather meet their deadliest enemy out in the fields, than their own hearts in their clustered chambers. And for once, she sits still and lends me an ear…
The waves are at their lashing best and the spray leaves a salty savor on my lips. We are a small crowd of four young men on the moonlit beach. I can hear thunderous laughter around me, and I sit second from the left. We talk of getting married some day and of prospective carnal adventures on bed. Man talk as they call it. Promises to stay together ever are made. And they break minutes later, as we part in four directions under the full moon, dragging our legs through the soggy thick sand. I smile as I think of us, and of the saline air that passes out of me and goes into them…of stories that were left untold between us, of loud guffaws that were contagious, and of smothered tears that would often fail to roll down, of broken hearts and awesome fears, of faint suspicions and limitless curiosities, of exaggerated tales and forlorn hopes, of fragrant dreams and unforeseen joys. And then, as days make way for years, they disappear beyond my blue walls. Their voices grow fainter.
…She sighs. It feels so chilly in here, she whispers, what with the insolent rain that has been raging on for hours now. I can see it dribbling down the glass panes of my windows. Droplets swinging left and right in unison, and twirling up and down in circles; the rain dance is on, in full swing. Together we walk out into the torrent, laughing aloud at the absurdity of it all. Out in the downpour, the stinging shower falls on us with a fierce vigor, determined to wash all the grime away.