Wednesday, November 02, 2005 ||
6:26 PM ||
Commitment Phobia - sounds menacing ofcourse. I have been diagnosed as suffering from this fatal ailment, that intends to wreak havoc on my future life. When I see newly married couples on the beach walking hand in hand, it amuses me. It doesnt surprise me much when I watch an older couple on a park bench staring up at the dark sky that hasnt got much to offer, for hours on end. Life has taken its toll; the silence and the distance have become unnerving, I feel. 'Its not as bad as you think' - a veteran explains. 'We have had our share of differences, but togetherness is pure bliss'. Yeah.. for some. But what if one prefers to live peacefully in the small, painfully routine space one has created for oneself, without much of an intrusion? "No.. you have got it all wrong - why dont you find a girl who doesnt 'intrude' much?" It gags me at times, to see that my friends, my realtives, my have-seen-you-somewhere kinda acquaintances, everyone (barring my parents) have been distressed with my single status, at 30. "You gotta rush, if babies are what you have in mind." "The fun is lost, the older you get.." " What??? Are you waiting for Aishwarya Rai to come along??" The queries are too many, and I dont have answers all the time.
"When you love someone all the more, you learn to live with her. Its not a matter of adjustment any more, its plainly a matter of acceptance." How nice!!! I see marriages all around me, and a few happily married ones at that. And quite a few absolutely disastrous ones - they push along; "I dont have much of a choice. Seperation? Are you crazy??" These are men and women who badly wanted to marry and live happily ever after. I have seen people living together, with and without marriage certificates to boost their already spirited or dampened lives.
"Dont tell me you are advocating one of those ridiculous life styles that doesnt have the sanctity of the Saath Pheras!!" I am not - but it makes sense to me when I have the choice to make a damn decision about my life, without the rest of the world commenting on it. It makes sense to me, to see people getting to know each other really well, even if it means living under a roof - (dont ya worry moralists, in separate bed rooms ofcourse ;-))) before they take the giant leap (if at all, they have to leap - I prefer to walk along). It seems even more sensible to me, when people move on their separate ways, when they realise that being together is anything but that, and that life is not to be shamelessly lost in the intricacies of the constant efforts to make it work. I feel it sensible to live with a person, when I feel I badly need to have her in my life, no matter what. And not coz the rest of India tells me that "You are way past the marriagable age - Boys of your age have had three children, by now". Great for them!!
As for now, the going is great. Period.
